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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26792755">i dreamt of you in montreal, in places i've never been at all</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderfirstlove/pseuds/tenderfirstlove'>tenderfirstlove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>in the palm of your hands [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Powers, Coming Out, Growing Up, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Self-Acceptance, Trans Male Shirogane Naoto, Unresolved Romantic Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:40:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,329</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26792755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenderfirstlove/pseuds/tenderfirstlove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was it.</p><p>The last time they would see Yu everyday, the last semester before he went back and they returned to their regular, boring, village life.</p><p>No one wanted to say it, but it hurt.</p><p>To lose a friend so close you feel like your heart might as well shrivel up if they were gone.</p><p>(But perhaps that's less so friendship and more so an unsaid feeling.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Shirogane Naoto/Tatsumi Kanji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>in the palm of your hands [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. This isn't what I was hoping for</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yosuke speaks to the people he can trust the most with this.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"We could go to the beach! It would be nice to see the sunset one last time together, right?", Rise smiled at Yukiko as they discussed ideas of what to do for Yu's last day in Inaba.</p><p>Chie simply sat next to them, head on her desk, "That's so boring, and also, cold! We should go over to the next town and do something fun!" She pouted as she propped her chin up onto the wooden surface before Rise frowned.</p><p>"There's hardly anything more to do in the next town over! All it has is a shopping mall! They don't even have a Junes!" </p><p>"Why are you complaining then! You like shopping anyway!"</p><p>Yosuke sighed as he listened to them bicker back and forth, he crossed his arms and slumped over the school desk. He knew that this time would come where one day Yu would leave, but he didn't expect to get so attached. Especially to someone like Yu, who was almost the complete opposite of him. He was tall, he had an athletic build, and he was good at all sorts of things— some Yosuke never thought of, like cooking. Though if he was honest, it was no surprise he'd have to be good at it since Dojima was rarely home to cook. It was good that at least Nanako had someone to do things with.</p><p>"What's wrong, Yosuke?"</p><p>He shook his head, "It's nothing. What do you want to do on your last day?"</p><p>There was a low hum as the girls looked over to Yu, "Yeah, what would be your ideal day?" Rise walked over to him, a finger on her cheek in thought as they all awaited his choice.</p><p>"Well. You've all given me so many good memories, but I think I want to spend it with my closest friend."</p><p>"Yu.."</p><p>Yosuke pursed his lips, turning away from him at the clenching of his chest. He didn't understand why he felt so horrid at the thought of Yu spending his last day with one of the girls, it was only natural for a boy like him to do so.</p><p>"Honestly, it was a lot of fun just messing around with Yosuke, so I want to spend my last day with him."</p><p>There was a slightly brush of a hand on his outer thigh in a comforting gesture, but that only served to make Yosuke's face flush with embarrassment as the girls went back to complaining. Under the loud sounds of gentle voices, he turned to look at Yu, "Do you... Do you really want to spend your last day in Inaba with me?" </p><p>The grey-haired boy just smiled as his hand returned to his side, "I don't think I've been sure of anything more."</p><p>Yosuke smiled, it was almost unnoticeable, but Yu couldn't take his eyes off the way his lips twitched upward and how the classroom's dim lighting reflected in his eyes. </p><p>It wasn't long until he had to tear his gaze away though, his own cheeks dusted lightly with pink.</p><p>He couldn't wait until his last day.</p><p> </p><p>✸</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke wouldn't have ever thought he'd be kissing his best and most closest friend on the last day he was in town (until the next time he visited anyway.) He couldn't believe the hand that stroked the back of his neck and it's other counterpart that sat on the crook of his lower back. He could hardly breathe not only because he could hardly believe it but also because Yu was too busy shoving his tongue down his throat. He hit him on the chest lightly as they pulled away from each other, "Are you trying to choke me or something?!" Yu flushed as he shook his head, "Well you sure kiss like you're trying to...", Yosuke mumbled.</p><p>"...Do you still like me? I promise I'll get better."</p><p>He turned to him with a red face, "Li-Like? Who said I ever liked you!" he shouted before covering his mouth. It was a small town, which meant gossip travelled almost at the speed of light.</p><p>"Well, you seemed like you enjoyed the kiss.. And you didn't turn me down when I asked you out to spend the day with me. I thought we were partners?" </p><p>"Well, I. Erm. It's not that I <em>don't</em> like you— Or that I do! It's.. Going to take me a while to accept my own feelings about you." Yosuke's grasp on Yu's chest was weak, but his voice was even weaker as it dropped to a low mumble, which failed to escape Yu's ears, "All I know for now, is that I feel like crap because you're leaving and I don't know why, but every time I look at you my warms up and I hated the thought of you choosing some girl over me for spending your last day here in Inaba!"</p><p>He felt a hand rub at his back comfortingly as he leaned toward Yu to pull him into a half-hearted hug. They sat in silence before their lips sought each other out and they kissed again— This time there were no clumsy clashing of their teeth, or awkward tangles of their tongues, just their lips pressed against one another's as they relished the remains of the day together.</p><p>"I don't care that you feel conflicted right now. I want you to know that no matter what, I like you, as you are and more. If you feel like this isn't... right, for you, then I have no choice but to accept your decision— But please, wait until the next time I visit you to make up your mind and tell me how you <em>really</em>  feel. Not how you <em>should </em> be feeling because of any outside pressure."</p><p>Yosuke looked over Yu's face, it was as it had always been. Smooth without a crease or wrinkle, nor blemish or redness. No feminine curves and long lashes with painted lips.</p><p>Yu had looked nothing like Saki, he was the furthest thing from her.  He was tall, and he was bulky, muscular and slightly clunky in the way his limbs were put together, resembling nothing akin to a girlish figure. He had an angular face, and horribly cut and messy hair. He wore no chapstick and his nails were always filed down without flaw.</p><p>He brought a hand up to cup Yu's face, his thumb brushing his cheek.</p><p>"Okay. I will tell you, when you next visit, how I feel. Not how I was raised to feel. I just.. need time." </p><p>Yu gave him a boyish smile, the corners of his eyes creasing like crow's feet.</p><p>"That's all I can give."</p><p>They met again in a soft hug as the sun set, spending a long time together until the moon rose and they went back to Dojima's house, hands awkwardly grasping at one another.</p><p> </p><p>✸</p><p> </p><p>"Yosuke's been acting strange lately, don't you think?"</p><p>Kanji looked to Naoto in confusion, "Not anymore than usual though? Maybe he just misses Yu. They were pretty close..", he flipped over to a new page in his knitting magazine, studying the patterns of clothing half-heartedly.</p><p>"No.. He seems a little, I don't know how to put it. Conflicted, maybe?", Naoto hummed before shaking his head, "Well, if he ever has any problems he knows he can talk to us, I hope."</p><p>They went back to quietly sitting together, lazing around the house as Kanji's mother was out to shop for more groceries, only to hear a familiar bell interrupt their silence. Kanji only shrugged to Naoto's questioning stare before he stood up and opened the door— only to see a familiar ginger.</p><p>"Uh, Yosuke! Hey, what's up?"</p><p>"Can I er, can I talk to you about something?"</p><p>Kanji peeked behind himself and over at Naoto before he turned back to the sullen boy, "Sure. Naoto's here too though, do you mind or..?"</p><p>"No, it's cool. I just need to talk through some stuff with someone."</p><p>The blond nodded as Yosuke came in and shrugged off his shoes as he closed the door, he turned to go into the kitchen and prepare some tea, maybe Naoto was right about something being off with the boy. </p><p> </p><p>Once Kanji came back with a tray of tea, they sat in silence for a bit before Yosuke spoke up.</p><p>"Is it.. Is it weird if I like Yu?"</p><p>Naoto looked to Kanji, "No..? Why would it be? We all like him?" Naoto elbowed Kanji before cutting him off.</p><p>"There's nothing wrong with attraction toward him. If you like him like that well, we'll support you."</p><p>Kanji nodded dumbly, holding Naoto's hand in his, "Yeah, we know that you have had some, erm. Troubles, with this sort of stuff but, we won't turn you away if you need someone to talk to."</p><p>Yosuke nodded numbly, he pursed his lips as his face scrunched up and his voice quivered, "I just, I don't want to talk to my dad about it. I don't know what he would even say? Just. I don't know." He held the warm cup in his hands without taking a sip, just appreciating the comfort it gave him, "What do I do now? What if the girls find out and they think I'm weird? Most of the class probably already thinks that anyway.."</p><p>Naoto frowned, "No one thinks you're weird because you're a closeted gay, Yosuke. They think you're an asshole because you were saying gross things." Yosuke stayed silent as he nodded, face warming up in shame as his brain pulled up a bunch of times he was being weird and homophobic as a way to deflect thinking about his own sexuality, "I think you just need to have a long chat with yourself. It's good that you came to us but, we can't really do anything for you, you have to change by your own accord."</p><p>"...Yeah. Thanks, Naoto. I'm really sorry about... all the things I said."</p><p>He sighed, nodding his head, "Thank you, Yosuke. For apologizing to us." With a deep inhale he leaned against Kanji's side.</p><p>"Now just go home, Yosuke. Take a bath, I don't know. Just... think things through."</p><p>The ginger nodded, putting his cup down and bowing before he left.</p><p> </p><p>He needed some time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Now that you finally figured me out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yosuke takes some time to figure things out.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yosuke laid in his bed, he has been for the past few hours since he got back from Kanji and Naoto's,</p><p>It had been some time since he'd visited Naoto and Kanji, and a lot of his holiday was spend thinking and trying to figure himself out. Whether it was looking things up on his phone absentmindedly or visiting forums and chats with people who were already out. </p><p> </p><p>Or even trying to watch some gay porn in an attempt to see if his body reacted accordingly.</p><p>(It did. And it was uncomfortable.)</p><p> </p><p>"So... I'm gay?" </p><p> </p><p>He looked at his walls of half-nude women in bikinis and modern actresses with their delicate smiles, then he looked down at himself.</p><p>Had he been tricking himself into being straight all this time?</p><p>It's been a while since he'd seen Yu, it was becoming strange to be so lonesome. Usually he'd hang out after school with him, go to the park or the fishing dock, maybe Yu would even visit him at his job when he was on shift. They'd waste time and talk about pointless, stupid things together. Relishing in each other's presence, thinking surely time wouldn't pass so easily.</p><p>He'd become so used to the other boy's presence in his everyday life that now life seemed a little more duller, a little less exciting, nothing to look forward to the next day. He wouldn't wake up to Yu's face on the weekends when they spend their days together, they won't share anymore stupid jokes and teases. No more shy glancing, no brushing of their fingertips, no lingering and unsaid words that hung about in the air whenever they were alone at noon. </p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">Sometimes they called each other, and talk for hours, but it wasn't the same.</span>
</p><p><span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">Yosuke couldn't feel Yu's annoying snorting, his warmness, see his horribly self-cut bangs. He couldn't sit close and pretend to not smell his cheap store-bought cologne, see him purse his lips and cross his legs when he was stressed. He couldn't see or feel any of the little things that made Yosuke pay attention to Yu. </span> <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">He grabbed his phone and flipped it open, going to the gallery and looking through his pictures through the year, purposefully zooming into the picture to see Yu's pixelated face.</span></p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">There wasn't one day he didn't count the hours since they separated at the train station on the edge of town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">Before he could admit anything to himself, his phone rang and he dropped it onto his face from slight shock before answering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"He-Hello?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"... Yosuke?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">The ginger sat up at the crackling voice, his free hand smoothing his hair nervously, "Oh, er, Yu. What's up?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"I just called to say I'll be coming down tomorrow. Can you pick me up from the train station? Uncle is busy, I don't have much luggage."</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">Yosuke swore his heart just stopped beating and his brain forgot to function, mostly because of the image his mind conjured up of Yu's arms wrapped around his waist as they drove down into town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"Hello? Can you hear me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"Erm, yeah no problem! I'll be waiting at the station then."</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"Alright. Thanks, I'll send you the time my train arrives since I have to check on the food I'm cooking."</span>
</p><p>
  <span class="style-scope yt-formatted-string">"Uh, right. Bye!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>Yosuke was left staring at his phone in a haze.</p><p>He couldn't wait until Yu visited again.</p><p> </p><p>As he fantasized, he felt a buzz from his phone, he navigated to his messages only to see a short message from Yu.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>train station at 10:45AM</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>:) see u soon !!</em>
  </p>
  <p>-YU</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>With a silent scream he buried his face in his pillow, hugging it close to his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He couldn't wait to see him again.</p>
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